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Thread: Girls Nite Out

  1. #1
    Pit Crew GizmoQ's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
    Traveling the Country
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    Cadillac XLR

    2006 Black Raven XLR-V; 1996 Eldorado ESC-V

    Default Girls Nite Out

    The other night she was invited out for a night with the “girls.” She told me that she would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

    Quickly, realising I would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

    The next morning I asked her what time she got in, She told me “MIDNIGHT”… I didn’t seem ****ed off in the least. Whew, she thought, got away with that one! Then I said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When she asked why, I said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh ****” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
    Snake Bit Super Chilled XLR-V aka Elwood (Jake's brother)
    Currently 510rwhp and 546TQ at 6000RPM so goal 575/550
    ELWOOD - "Corvette in a Tuxedo... with a Jet Pack"

    ECTA Land Speed Racing Record Holder: 4.2-5.0L Blown Gas Modified Sports Car
    Texas Mile XLR-V Record Holder: Street Legal XLR @ 165.6MPH
    2013 St Louis Region SCCA Solo SSM Class Champion
    "If and when you start making bigger power, you will find you will do things less "Your way" and more the "right way" or you will spend a lot of time making repairs you can avoid."

  2. #2
    Pit Crew Phil105's Avatar
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    Aug 2015
    Thomaston, GA
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    Cadillac XLR

    2006 XLR base

    Default On A Deserted Island

    On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of the South Pacific, the following people are stranded:

    Two Italian men and one Italian woman.

    Two French men and one French woman.

    Two German men and one German woman.

    Two Greek men and one Greek woman.

    Two British men and one British woman.

    Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.

    Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.

    Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman.

    Two Irish men and one Irish woman.

    Two American men and one American woman.

    One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

    One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

    The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trios.

    The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

    The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.

    The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.

    The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

    The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

    The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply more employees for their stores.

    The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few pints of coconut whiskey. However, they are satisfied because the British are not having any fun.

    The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.

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