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How about some Irish jokes...

mtrocket

Seasoned Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2008
Messages
3,647
Location
Billings, Montana
My XLR/V(s)
2007 Red Jewel XLR
Only the Irish have jokes like these:

Into a Belfast pubcomes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little sh*t, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you. He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."


************************************************
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there,
I thought I'd gone deaf."


************************************************
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when
Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

"How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, he got out three times to
pee."


************************************************
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, he said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'


************************************************
AND THE BEST FOR LAST:
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three
times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!
 
Last edited:

Crimson Pearl

Seasoned Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2009
Messages
1,151
Location
Tarheel State
My XLR/V(s)
2005 Crimson Pearl XLR
What's the definition of a Queer Irishman?








One that likes women better than whiskey! :lol:
 
Joined
Jul 26, 2013
Messages
557
Location
Central Ohio
My XLR/V(s)
2004 Black Raven, Ebony
A potato and a six pack of Guinness

Somehow the Title didn't come across in Tapatalk. For everyone's benefit here is the rest of the joke....

What is an Irish 7 course dinner

A potato and a six pack of Guinness


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

XLRATING

Seasoned Member
Joined
Jul 10, 2011
Messages
1,817
Location
Virginia
My XLR/V(s)
2006 Infrared XLR (Beauty); 2008 GT500 (Beast); 2007 Black XLR-V (Victor)
What do the Irish call a cubic zirconium/CZ?

A shamrock.

(Gentle enough for children!)
 

Crimson Pearl

Seasoned Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2009
Messages
1,151
Location
Tarheel State
My XLR/V(s)
2005 Crimson Pearl XLR
What's Irish and sits on the back porch?






Paddy-O furniture!
 

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